I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
