Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize