so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
