my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
