he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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