I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
