yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
