It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
