I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
