it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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