plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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