i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
