I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
