I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
