meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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