This gyro tastes like lonliness
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize