so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
