If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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