put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
