I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
