Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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