2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
