really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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