Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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