She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Mom said you looked used
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
