do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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