Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
