Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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