so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
