Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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