I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize