Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
