Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
