Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
