there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize