Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
