Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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