She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
