How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i came on her dog
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
