Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
