Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
