I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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