Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
