dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
