I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
