I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
