So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
