One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
