he thought i was a dude.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
