Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
