Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
