So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize