When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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