Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
