Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
As shirtless as possible
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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