remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
