I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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