I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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