what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
