those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize