Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
