@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
