so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
