you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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