Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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