You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
