Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
