i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
