i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
