I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize