How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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