like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
