he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
did i walk over a car last night?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
