What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
