I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
How external is "for external use only"?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize