I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
