i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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