you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My ATM looks so different sober.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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