im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
