Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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