You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
