I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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