Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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