at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
