All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
