Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
