i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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