so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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