I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
