I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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