I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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