i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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