On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we're making bets on your personal life
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
