That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize