my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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