Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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