watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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