Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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