I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
