What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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