Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
