Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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